Newsroom
Arthur Pringle
Chief Incident Correspondent
Arthur Pringle has reported on avoidable incidents for more than a decade, typically arriving shortly after each one becomes unavoidable. He maintains the paper's largest archive of official statements issued “in the strongest possible terms”.
Like the experts it quotes, the Everyone Clapped newsroom is a fictional device. No real journalist is depicted.
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Reports by Arthur Pringle
Consultant Repeatedly Criticised For Conduct Despite Consistently Strong Results
A self-employed analytical consultant continues to draw complaints over his manner with clients, witnesses and colleagues, even as those who hire him concede the results are difficult to fault.
Venue Reports Overnight Accounting Discrepancy Following Contractor Logistics Operation
A hospitality and gaming venue has confirmed a substantial overnight shortfall in its cash-handling figures, which management has linked to a coordinated team of outside contractors who attended the premises on a single evening.
Amateur Outfit Unseats Dominant Incumbent In Knockout Round
A part-time outfit with no track record has unexpectedly displaced a heavily favoured market leader in a single knockout round, an outcome analysts had assigned a probability indistinguishable from zero.
Driver Defends Halting Vehicle At Point That Blocked Rivals' Final Attempts
A driver insists that bringing his vehicle to a complete stop at a notably awkward point on a narrow street circuit was entirely unintentional, despite the manoeuvre conveniently preventing every rival from improving their times.
Resident Publishes Itemised Summary Of Recent Dating Activity
A local resident has released a detailed, name-by-name account of his recent romantic engagements, alongside a stated philosophy of requiring a small amount of everybody.